a poorly written essay on operant conditioning

Bitter, black

blistering heat.

Swirling streams

of steam and

Tick-tocks,

droopy, dopey lids,

Cracking bones

and Splitting eggs.

6 am,

all over again.

[alternate ending

It tingles,

It stings

the Taste of 6 am,

all over again. ]

After a couple hours of frustration over being a waitress and feeling like a failed writer I decided to sit down and just write. Blank, nada. So I looked at my coffee and said, just write about coffee. So I did, and I like it. I think maybe I’ll do a whole hour/time of day series. We’ll see…

I wrote a life lesson on youcanbeloud today to make sense of parenting my parents. That was all to-the-point and painted white. Really, I’d like to paint it colorful- even cover it in wallpaper. And by that I mean fictionize it, make believe the story and make it beautiful, nonsensical and eventually emotional senseful for myself.

Two sisters separated. They communicate through letters to help the days pass and continue their plan to be together again. I guess I’d like the sisters to possess Cinderella-esque qualities but without Prince Charming. Something’s missing, though, and it’s leaving my words dry and sluggish. I’ve got nothing to say about them, ergo I can’t motivate myself to bring them to life. I need to do some soul searching into what these girls need. What’s hurting them and why their calling me to help them.

Ah ha! Side note to the sisters, I’ve found a new twist to my old project about the writer obsessed with her characters and working. Call it homage to the 80s film “Cool World,” real people with their real problems all over the world in different times call to the writer in her dreams so that she will feel them, know them and write their stories and help their lives. e.g. helping the two sisters come together, helping a Princess run away, an old woman die, a dog find freedom, even a zombie learn to eat his first brain? Whatever it is, she writes it and she solves it. I’ll call it “Keystrokes.” And obviously she has to have bought a typewritter from some witch doctor woman or something or other… or two doomed “star-crossed” lovers put their blood in a pen and the pen is then poured into a typewritter’s ink ribbon so other’s who possess this great love can be helped. Hm, this could be good.

In the year of 1993 when “Rock” music was taking a turn for the more feminine, technological advances were spreading quicker than the AIDS epidemic and the name “Michael” was again the most popular baby name (for girls), a beautiful young woman unpopularly named Lyn Guini was living with her family in a traveling circus. Lyn Guini had long, beautiful blond hair like a fairy tale princess and often braided it to keep the dirt from gathering in it as it drug the ground behind her. She was sweet, humble and mistakenly witty considering the average IQ of her circus family was 12. They were simple people who fit better in the hidden Georgian hills of 1939, but they made do by listening to Christian Rock rather than the screeches of “Nivanee er eny ah da junk out da soun’ bock.” However, Lyn Guini loved Nivanee and dreamed of becoming a real Rock princess.

Lyn Guini’s mom was a damn good sword swallower and her dad was half handsome, his job was to clean up after the elephants that her little sister Cappy Lini rode and danced on. Lyn Guini was the star Elephant Ballerina until she had a nightmare of being impregnated by one and could never go near the beasts again. So, they made her the ticket girl. Everyday Lyn Guini sat in her ticket box and let her yellow locks flow freely out of the window and down under the feet of the Sweaty Smellers waiting for the show.

One dreadful, hot Summer eve Lyn Guini was collecting tickets and thanking folks’ patronage as usual when one beat-neck leather-wearer tried to enter the Square Bros Circus free of charge. A despicable act to most the Circkies, but as Lyn recognized the Nivanee patches on his worn jacket she agreed to let him in only if he promised to return and make her a real Rock Princess. The beat-neck agreed and left the show after only 20 minutes.

Lyn Guini chased after her rock savior, but tripped over her hair and missed her opportunity to escape the Square Bros.

Lyn Guini ran back to her barn stable bedroom and threw herself in her haystack. “Never again, oh Balla! I nevar wannew list yer Christiay Rock er han’ yer ticks to tha Sweaty Smellers! Y’ear me! I curse yer name, oh Balla, and I cut me locks at yew!” So with tears flooding and tangling her hair, Lyn Guini snicked into her parent’s stable and stole her dad’s shaving sheers. Then Lyn Guini turned on the Soun Bock to Nivanee’s popular “Feels like Bean Merit” and cut her beautiful hair into an ugly,  rugged hair cap. She wrapped her dad’s sheers in her ball of murdered hair and prodded and padded the mess until it became a decent pillow to rest on. The next day Lyn Guini woke to squeals and whistling hill-billy cries from her circus family and received 18 lashes “fer cuttin hair falsely in the name oh Balla an’ lettin an Leather Wearer in ta their sacred Christiay Circus.”

Lyn Guini didn’t care though, she believed her leather-wearer would return and make her a real Rock Princess like he promised. Despite what all the Circkies said, Lyn trusted the Soun Bock. One day Lyn Guini’s very own voice would get to speak in the Soun Bock, she just knew it.

Three years passed and the leather-wearer never returned. Lyn Guini was banished from the Tick Box and forced to clean the PoppyCocks after every show, though she didn’t really mind this because she was able to keep her hair short as it made more sense for cleaning PoppyCocks. Everyday she would sweep the Sweaty Smellers’ filth while her Pa cleaned up after the Elephants and Circkies in the middle ring. Life was just as meaningless as it was in the Georgian hills of 1939, when Lyn Guini decided to ask her dad if they could venture out to the far river to see what they could pick up on the Soun Bock.

“Jes after we finish up here, Paw. It want take long and we ken be back fer Maw, Cappy Lini er any ah tha Circkies even know!”

“Ain’t no way, Lil’ Guini! Do yew know what lines yew put in fer yer maw an’ me!? Well hell, Lil Guini, ya ma almost chocked on one a’ her swords last night jes thinkin’ bout what yew done three yars back! Ain’t nothing on that Soun Bock we needa-”

“Paaaawww!!”

Lyn Guini screeched and ran towards her father but tripped over a bucket of left-over PoppyCocks. It was too late. One of the elephants got tired while her Pa was cleaning his behind and sat down on Lyn’s poor father. Pa Guini was gone, wasn’t even a shoe left when the elephant stood back up.

Without the respect of her father around, Lyn Guini was left to the mercy of the Square Bros. Many Circkies whispered around that Lyn would be traded or maybe even made to dress like one of the baby elephants for dancin. For Lyn Guini, she just wanted to go out to the far river and go to sleep forever with her Soun Bock. That’s exactly what Lil Guini started planning for the afternoon after her Pa’s Lovin’ Memory Chain Speak Easy. And much to her surprise everyone was preoccupied enough with her Ma’s Sword Swallowing Love Sonnet that she easily slipped out the back and headed towards the West Woods, Pa’s sheers in hand, when the leather-wearer was walking up the path towards the Circkies’ camp.

“Is that you, Spa Ghetti?”

“No… is Lyn Guini.”

“I know. I was just pokin fun, but I guess you haven’t been out much.”

“Actually I nevar been out an YOU nevar came back! YOU promised to make me a real life Rock Princess! ‘Member? Y’aint nothing but a Leather Wearer, you! I let you in fer free an got 18 lashes.”

“I felt like I got 18 lashes just in that 20 minutes you let me into your cult camp.”

“Why’d you have to be like this, ole Leather Wearer. I believed in you an yer rock, even now!”

“Come on then, Lyn Guini! You didn’t hear my song about you on your soun bock?”

“No.. my Pa died in an elephant, but I was just out to the far river ta try an give it a listen now.”

“Let’s both go, then we’ll go and make you a real Rock Princess. And grow that hair back out, too!”

“You mean it this time? Ya gonna take me outta here, ya’ll be my rock savior!?”

“I sure will.”

At that Lyn Guini ran to her leather-wearer and jumped in his arms. With little crop-hair Lyn and her Soun Bock, the leather wearer carried them through the West Woods and down to the river’s edge where the rock static drowned and crisp sound came beating clear into the Soun Bock’s speakers.

Up next we got Leather Spender and the Dreidels with their new hit ‘Got My Girl at the Corner Circus Store.’  Somewhere in between a love song and a nightmare, we got no idea where Spender Spider got the idea for these lyrics, but we love it!

The leather-wearer leaned into Lyn Guini and whispered in her ear, “Sorry it took me so long, but I keep my promises.”