a poorly written essay on operant conditioning

today my heart hurts. my chest is heavy and my eyes carry my emotional burden. i’m confused, again. i don’t want to be here- i don’t want to be in my skin. i don’t want to look in the mirror- or the puddles- or run my hand over my face for fear of feeling the jagged creases forming on my face. every sound is painful, reminding me of where i am and what i’m throwing away. throwing away beauty and potential- happiness. over and over again. he asks me how i’m going to make this right and i have no idea, maybe that’s the problem. i don’t know what i’ve been waiting for. again, i feel the painful weight of being “in a relationship” because more than anything i want to break free of disappointment and regret and any reminder that maybe i don’t deserve someone else. ugh, i’m tired.